We were listening to my music from my phone in the car, and 'Gives You Hell' from the All-American Rejects plays, and Chance comments about how that song could totally have been us if things had gone differently after my cheating on him. at the time it really upset me but i didn't say anything. finally, way later this evening I told chance how it made me upset when he mentioned that about the song, because it had been upsetting me most of the night and I thought about how he's always saying we need to talk about things instead of keeping it in, and at first he felt bad but now its like hes angry that it upset me. I understand that it's my fault, and I do deserve to be punished for it, but he claims that he's over it, and if he is, why does he keep bringing it up?
I just don't think I can live with this giant mistake between us anymore. I can never get away from it and we aren't ever going to be truly past it. It pops up 'whenever the situation is relevant' and that's fairly often. I don't know what to do. I think counseling could help, but if we can't manage that, if its gonna be floating over us the rest of our lives, I'd rather us be apart, and have a chance to start over happily with someone else, then constantly tormented by demons from our past that we just can't let go. I just don't know if love is worth it anymore.
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