Readers vs. Bookworms

Some people are born with magic touching the edges of their consciousness, dancing through their minds, in and out, all day long. It's something that will be with them forever, something they can always call on, always rely on. 

Others, the poor, sad souls who lead magic-free lives, don't understand, frown upon it, make fun of these creatures. They berate and belittle these beautiful beings, whose lives are a constantly magical, beautiful, wonderful place. They live with jealousy on their subconscious, jealous of the magic. 

And still others, try as they might, that wish upon every star, every well, yet will never truly harness it for their own. The magic will never be the same for them, never respond in the same way, never dance through their minds as it does for these lovely creatures. They worship them, long to be like them, and practice day in, day out, struggling and never truly understanding, longing to experience the magic in the same way. 

These beautiful, magical creatures are called 'bookworms' and 'nerds' because they know the magic of a book. They know the experience of losing themselves in a piece, no matter what form it takes, and awakening in the magical world of literature. To close your eyes, in your drab, dreary home, and awaken in a brilliant land, be it snow covered as far as the eye can see, ruled by a cruel White Witch, or the amazing castle of Hogwarts, these readers will always know joy -- the joy found in any piece of literature, dancing the night away at vivacious parties with Gatsby, sailing the seas with Nemo and Ahab, or facing down great armies of the dead. These readers will always find the magic. 

Others might try, but they won't know it in the same way. They will keep it selfishly to themselves, instead of trying to share the beauty of a book. These Others will never know that feeling in your gut when you crack open a brand new, freshly printed book, or the subtle differences in the smells of libraries. The true beauty of a book can never be fully experienced by them, but they try. Oh they try. And that is an admirable thing indeed. 

Would you Share The Book You're Reading if Asked?

Today, my friend told me that her husband asked her to read an excerpt of the book she was reading aloud to him, and when she refused, and he got a little miffed at her over it. She feels that books are her escape route from the real world, and that reading it aloud would diminish the sacred nature of the 'book world' it's created. She wanted my feelings on the situation. Her two-part question asks: would I have acted the same way, and/or was she being selfish/childish? Here's what I replied:

I can't really say for sure, personally, what should or should not have done in this situation because every person is different. We all experience a book in a different way.

Chance and I read a lot of the same books, so either he's already read what I'm reading (or plans to later), or sometimes we read aloud to each other (mostly he reads aloud and I listen because I really like to hear his voice), and other times we sit there and read the book together. We really enjoy discussing the layers of meaning and all the little intricacies of whatever book we've read, and it's ever so much more meaningful when we both know the book, even more when we read it together (or separately but at the same time).

I completely agree with books being an escape, but for me, I want to share whatever magical fantasy world (I read a lot of fantasy and science fiction) I'm in with anyone who will listen, because I want everyone to love the book as much as I do. 

We read a lot in our house, though, and it's something we are teaching our kids to value. I never turn down reading to them when they ask (unless they ask at a really bad time, like when I'm in the bathroom or cooking. Then they have to wait). I can't count how many times I've read Harry Potter to my kids, and I eagerly await the day I can read Lord of the Rings to them (atm it'll just go over their heads too much, I feel). 

So in conclusion,no, I don't think you were being selfish. I really think it varies from person to person and is completely based on how you feel (of course, if it's gonna cause hurt feelings for one party or another, it's something that should be taken into account. "does this mean enough to me to hurt ___'s feelings by not sharing, or cause me to have hurt feelings because ___ doesn't understand how I feel about it'. It could be a good way to open a dialogue about how you both feel on the topic). 

A side note though, sometimes reading to each other (or your kids, or whoever) can create a new and different type of intimacy you wouldn't otherwise experience, because you are sharing this sacred and magical 'book world' with people you love and care about. It can not only enhance the book, by having a sharing experience, but it can be really enjoyable to share in the first place, depending on what you're reading.

It's not to say that I don't experience the same level of selfishness, I also just love reading so much and want to encourage it in everyone that I'm able to look past my personal feelings to welcome others into my book world with me. I want everyone to experience the same magic and excitement I experience (and I get really childishly hurt and upset if they don't feel the say way I do about the book).

It's all about personal viewpoints, I guess. You're never too old (or too young) to fall in love with a book. 

This leads to opportunities for lively and great discussion, and a lovely opening to create a dialogue with your partner on the subject of books and reading. Would you have acted the same? How do you feel about books and reading? Do you like to share your book?

Regardless of how anyone feels, books are a magical world to be shared with everyone. Anyone can become a reader at any age. Reading expands your mind and opens you to new experiences, all from the comfort of your own home.  It is vitally important that we teach our children the same love and respect for books that people like my fellow bookworms and I have, and nuture and develop a love of reading that extends well into their adult lives. No matter what genre you read, reading is vital to a child's learning and development, and if they see their parents/guardians/idols/care givers reading, it well help to foster and encourage a love of literature that will last through the ages. 

Remember, children learn by watching, so let them see you read! Let them see how important it is to you, and encourage them by reading to them, or if they are old enough to read on their own, praise them for choosing reading as a free-time activity. Establish rewards in your house for number of books read, or choosing to read a book instead of watching TV/playing video games. Nuture and encourage a love of reading, because all children can appreciate a trip to a magical new land, one they wouldn't have found on their own. 

One of my all time favorite things to do is curl up with a good book and read all day, and this is doubly, triply awesome when my kids want to do the same thing. I can't begin to find the words to describe how happy it makes me when my children ask me to read to them. There's nothing like having your toddler bring you a book and say 'Lets read, mommy.' For me, it's truly one of the most beautiful things in the world, seeing my kids love books as much as I do.

Horror Movie Dream

I had a really horrifying dream, which could also make a really great horror story (up until the end part when I wake up), if I (or anyone else) ever feels like writing it. I just can't write horror, it freaks me out.  So if you want to, let me know, let me read it, and give me credit for the idea, ok?

Here it is:

There was a crazy woman who thought there were wraiths-soulless people-zombies in her house. They just stood/sat around and didn't hurt anyone. Anyway she threw them all out of the house, while screaming at her kids how they never help her do anything, and she locked the house up. Then it kinda skips to me (bot not ME me) and this other woman at the crazy woman's house. I don't know how we got to the house or inside, but there was a little boy with us that ran out of the house (so I assume he belongs to the crazy woman. I remember a discussion between me and the other woman and Whitney, prior to this scene, about checking on the woman. Then when Whitney didn't return after about 2 hours, we discussed going to the house.  I remember it wasn't more than a 10 minute drive from where we were, and I remember the drive too, but not like I experienced it, but more like recalling the memory of a memory. It was tranquil and pleasant and it was a drive through a rolling pastures type countryside.

Anyway, we are running through the house, which is on fire, and we are getting the kids out (there's like 5, ranging from 8 months to 10 years), untying them trying to help them. And I'm looking for a woman named Whitney (i don't know why, but her name sticks in my head), and I find her tied standing up bent over a baby crib (that has a sewing machine and fabrics in it for some reason) and gagged, and I'm untying her and we are rushing to get the ropes off when she screams and I spin around and it's the woman (who's a foot or so taller than me), and she's got a huge knife. Suddenly she stabs herself, like repeatedly, like she's hypnotized, and so I grab Whitney and we start to run.

I jerked awake at this point and I look over at Connor, who's asleep in the bed with me, and the woman is right there behind him, like I saw her face laying asleep on the pillow. I screamed and fell off the bed, then got up and beat the pillow with my pillow, smacking Connor in the process, and he did not care one lick.

 I really wanna say the dream was set in the 1920s, but we drove a 50s-60s era vehicle to the house. Our clothes were casual, shorts and plaid short or sleeveless shirts, I'd call it a casual, wanna be country, surburban housewife style. The Woman wore a long front buttoned dress that really could have been any era, but definitely felt like something 'country'. The children, I ant really remember, but the 2 youngest children were in white dresses and caps. One of the ghost kids was a boy, 8-10 aged, in a dark blue pair of shorts with a jacket shirt thing, reminds me of an early 1900s schoolboy type outfit with a matching newsboy cap. The dream felt like we were in the past, but I can't pinpoint it. Anywhere from 1900-1970s, I guess. 

So that's all I've got, and like I said, it was really interesting and confusing and strange and scary. 

Crafting is Only Fun When No One is Expecting Something From Me

Started work on a Doctor Who themed apron, only to find I didn't have enough. So, that's back burner til payday. I switched to Star Wars instead. Updated a facebook status about it, and of course someone asks me to make them one (without even seeing the pattern or anything). I give her a link to an Etsy store that makes beautiful pin-up dress style Star Wars (and other) aprons, and she asks if I made them. No, but I wish I did. She complains they are very expensive ($90-120, generally), and I'm just kind of...confused.  

You're looking at a handmade, hand-painted, embroidered, incredibly detailed project, and complaining of the cost. Materials alone could be upwards of $50 or more, depending where the crafter shops, and then the time spent to make this project deserves pay, obviously. 

She assumed that I would not charge her more than like $20, and I explained the materials would cost more than that, plus my time, so it would be $50 at least, which she felt was unfair. 

I'm sorry, make it yourself then, bitch. 

Simple truth is I don't like making stuff for other people on request. They don't feel they should have to pay the cost, because "we're friends", and they want me to spend my time and money doing something for them, generally people I barely know or barely like, and give me nothing in return. I'm not here to buy your love or friendship; in fact, I could probably not give 2 shits about you. Most likely you're someone I barely knew from high school or someone who randomly friended me because we have like one friend in common, or in rare cases, super distant relatives of my husband. 

   It took me about a month to get around to doing my mother-in-law's batman apron and I only did it because she paid for a ton of fabric and patterns and stuff for me and I owed it to her.

(Here, hubby models said batman apron.)

  If I'm going to make something for someone by commission, it's going to take a while, first off, because I have kids to deal with and life, plus I have a lot of pain and numbness, mainly in my hands and back (a doctor said it could be RA but I have yet to investigate it further) and it makes it hard to function.  

So I would charge them the materials (I can show receipts as proof, no biggie, but keep in mind I get about a half yard more than needed for a project to account for mistakes),  plus I have to charge for my time, which I'd say is at least $10 an hour. Personally I'd rather say $15, but I'm too nice and I know I'm slow, the RA or whatever the pain is in my hands slows me down a lot, and it's hard to cut fabric when your hands are numb. I wouldn't charge you for the time I spend checking texts or doing stuff for the kids or running my potty training son to the toilet, or anything crazy that would inflate the cost, but it would basically be a minimum of $20 for my time (even if the time spent actually working is less than 2 full hours). If it's a really simple project (like a waitress apron or the batman one) I'd probably only charge $10-15 for my time spent, because it goes pretty quick after cutting. 

    The customer also needs to understand they are buying from an amateur sewer, not someone who is well- experienced (and would charge more for their time, btw). I have only been working for a year or so, and I still have a lot of goof-ups, uneven edges and seams, and it's nowhere near professional quality. If you want professional, the Etsy shops are fairly good, or go to Amazon or Walmart or where ever you like to shop, and buy a $10 apron there. 

If you're buying from me, you're paying for a handmade product, hopefully made the way you'd like, in prints you'd enjoy.  I don't want to sell you something you don't want, but I don't want to do through all the trouble to make something for you, on my own free time and then you not like it or be completely unsatisfied.  If that were to happen, lemme just say, you aren't keeping the product and I'm not making another. You wouldn't pay me until you saw it (unless I'm shipping it to you, then you pay and then I ship, because I can't afford to ship it myself, and if you aren't happy ship it back on your dime and I'll refund you, minus the original shipping cost.) Maybe someone else will be happy with a hand made, imperfect product.

I'm not trying to run a business here, but if you want me to make you something I will treat it professionally, as if I did run a business. Maybe one day I'll get good and open an Etsy shop. 

Wicked Headaches and Wicked(er) Children

Been having headaches off and on since Monday. It goes from being no big deal to super painful, so bad you vomit, type headaches. I've been hit with the so-bad-you-vomit version twice and it lasted about 30 minutes to an hour each time, but otherwise it's just been tolerable pain. 

I haven't taken anything for it (except the first super bad time on Tuesday), and I know I'm under a lot of stress right now (between still getting stuff moved and put away and then the thing with the car...all the things with the car. And the kids arguing with me about every single thing), so I guess it could be stress related...I don't think it's blood pressure (except that time I lost my temper and was yelling and throwing toys away because after an hour of asking the kids they kept refusing to clean up) and I wouldn't call it a migraine (though I'm prone to those, or at least super bad headaches, between the poor vision so my eyes are always feeling strained and the stupid long hair that weighs my head down). 

Don't know what to do and I wish they'd stop, lol.

What I can't figure out is why the kids have decided to stop listening.  It's like they literally don't give 2 shits about anything I tell them to do anymore. I swear I am constantly telling them 'Clean that up!' 'Pick this up please!' Hubby says less asking, more telling. Less please and more spanking. I just don't want to have to keep spanking them constantly. It's so unfair to me and to them. I guess I need another method of punishment. I sent myself into a flying, yelling, screaming his audit trying to get them to clean the playroom the other night.  I was so worked up and angry that I eventually spiked my blood pressure and threw up. 

Shayla needs to get her head on straight, too. The other day she decided to knock on the door that we never hear, rarely use and don't answer, and then wander off to a neighbor's house (who we haven't met) to ask a person sitting in a car in front of the neighbors house where her mommy and daddy were.  I couldn't get to the door to meet the bus because I was on the toilet, but I figured that Shayla would be smart enough to check the door and see if it was unlocked (I had unlocked it before I went to the bathroom so she could let herself in) but it turns out that she didn't even try that door, didn't knock or ring the doorbell. I always wait at the door for the bus when it's time. I'm isually up and playing with Connor when it's time for the bus to come anyway, it's not like I was hiding from her or ignoring her.  I don't understand it. 

I wish I could get these kids to behave, to listen to me, to do as I ask. I'd like some semblance of peace and quiet at least half the time that they are both awake. 

At least I have one thing to be happy about.  2 pairs of 5 inch stilettos, shiny patent leather, one in hot pink and one in white.  Super expensive ordinarily ($60-80 I think it was), but I got it on clearance combined with coupons, for a whopping $17 each, from JC Penney. Hells yeah.

Emotions are colored...Oblivious needs a Color, too.

I don't know what's going on.  It doesn't feel right between us.  Something is off but i don't know what.  I wish I could figure things out. Maybe we are just tired.  I ask probing or informative questions and get weird pieces of information that I'm probably taking the wrong way.  But then again, he really hasn't been affectionate tonight.  Maybe he's just not thinking about it, not realizing he didn't do it, even.  He's so oblivious to everything, and easily distracted.  

  Maybe it'll take more reflecting. 

Stray Thoughts

I'm sitting here trying to figure out why it is, after it's been almost 2 years since all that stuff happened between Chance and  I, that I'm still feeling the need to do something, anything, to get or retain his attention, which isn't even wandering in the first place. I keep thinking j should dye my hair red, because he likes red, or blonde, because I like blonde, lol. I think maybe a nose piercing at times, mostly because I miss my old one.  I don't know anymore. I know it's pointless and unnecessary but still...

When he works late, I still find myself worrying that he's really doing something else. Whether it be chatting on the phone to her, though I know they haven't spoken in years, or banging someone else and I'm just stupid and oblivious. Of course if he is with someone else, I don't know how they communicate, because I can see in the phone records, calls and texts, and there's no unknown numbers come up. I guess it could be a woman he works with and they only communicate at work. Unless he goes back to her house I also can't figure out where they'd be banging. Oh I guess she could own a truck. 

And I still can't watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' without crying, completely unrelated to my current emotions. Beautiful story.

Stupid People Suck.

I wish there weren't so many stupid people. This woman decided her husband and kids couldn't be friends with my family because she disagreed with my husband over an interpretation of a Bible verse. Now my daughter is heartbroken and crying constantly because she wants to see their little girl and have play dates again. 

I mean, we spent a LOT of money to help this couple out. They are a lot worse off financially than we are, and we went out of our way to help them when their car broke down (literally 10 different times), my husband even drove the 30 minute trip to their house to help them get to work at times when their car wasn't working, even when he had to be at work around the same time too. We helped them move, and who knows what else. We never had any problems with them ever before, and then she asks a question on facebook about a scripture and he and I both give our opinions (which were almost exactly the same), and then she starts calling my husband really awful things and then blocks us. Like out of nowhere. 

She was looking for a bible verse to convict her husband's coworker that he can't force his wife to have sex with him if she doesn't want to even though the bible says she has to obey him. The scripture in question can be interpreted so many different ways depending on the person reading it, which we told her, and then she freaked out. She called my husband a sexist pig, and I don't even remember what else. 

She's aggressive to her husband, she's rude to everyone (like, we were at their house playing Mario Party, and she was calling me awful shit like slut and whore, even though she said it was Princess Peach she was calling the foul names, because I was playing Peach.). 

Chance and I aren't like that to each other, he would never put me down in front of anyone, much less behind closed doors. He's as far from sexist as you can get. He would never be like that to anyone, especially not his wife. 

She's just an awful person, and I think it comes from being, literally, 'poor white trash.' I grew up poor, but I HAVE NEVER been white trash. I firmly believe you canNOT let your circumstances define who you are, you need to rise above that. I really hate people who let that shit define them. 

Now she's so busy being obsessively control-freak with her family that she's ruining two little girls' happiness. I really hate such selfish adults.