Stray Thoughts

I'm sitting here trying to figure out why it is, after it's been almost 2 years since all that stuff happened between Chance and  I, that I'm still feeling the need to do something, anything, to get or retain his attention, which isn't even wandering in the first place. I keep thinking j should dye my hair red, because he likes red, or blonde, because I like blonde, lol. I think maybe a nose piercing at times, mostly because I miss my old one.  I don't know anymore. I know it's pointless and unnecessary but still...

When he works late, I still find myself worrying that he's really doing something else. Whether it be chatting on the phone to her, though I know they haven't spoken in years, or banging someone else and I'm just stupid and oblivious. Of course if he is with someone else, I don't know how they communicate, because I can see in the phone records, calls and texts, and there's no unknown numbers come up. I guess it could be a woman he works with and they only communicate at work. Unless he goes back to her house I also can't figure out where they'd be banging. Oh I guess she could own a truck. 

And I still can't watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' without crying, completely unrelated to my current emotions. Beautiful story.