Wicked Headaches and Wicked(er) Children

Been having headaches off and on since Monday. It goes from being no big deal to super painful, so bad you vomit, type headaches. I've been hit with the so-bad-you-vomit version twice and it lasted about 30 minutes to an hour each time, but otherwise it's just been tolerable pain. 

I haven't taken anything for it (except the first super bad time on Tuesday), and I know I'm under a lot of stress right now (between still getting stuff moved and put away and then the thing with the car...all the things with the car. And the kids arguing with me about every single thing), so I guess it could be stress related...I don't think it's blood pressure (except that time I lost my temper and was yelling and throwing toys away because after an hour of asking the kids they kept refusing to clean up) and I wouldn't call it a migraine (though I'm prone to those, or at least super bad headaches, between the poor vision so my eyes are always feeling strained and the stupid long hair that weighs my head down). 

Don't know what to do and I wish they'd stop, lol.

What I can't figure out is why the kids have decided to stop listening.  It's like they literally don't give 2 shits about anything I tell them to do anymore. I swear I am constantly telling them 'Clean that up!' 'Pick this up please!' Hubby says less asking, more telling. Less please and more spanking. I just don't want to have to keep spanking them constantly. It's so unfair to me and to them. I guess I need another method of punishment. I sent myself into a flying, yelling, screaming his audit trying to get them to clean the playroom the other night.  I was so worked up and angry that I eventually spiked my blood pressure and threw up. 

Shayla needs to get her head on straight, too. The other day she decided to knock on the door that we never hear, rarely use and don't answer, and then wander off to a neighbor's house (who we haven't met) to ask a person sitting in a car in front of the neighbors house where her mommy and daddy were.  I couldn't get to the door to meet the bus because I was on the toilet, but I figured that Shayla would be smart enough to check the door and see if it was unlocked (I had unlocked it before I went to the bathroom so she could let herself in) but it turns out that she didn't even try that door, didn't knock or ring the doorbell. I always wait at the door for the bus when it's time. I'm isually up and playing with Connor when it's time for the bus to come anyway, it's not like I was hiding from her or ignoring her.  I don't understand it. 

I wish I could get these kids to behave, to listen to me, to do as I ask. I'd like some semblance of peace and quiet at least half the time that they are both awake. 

At least I have one thing to be happy about.  2 pairs of 5 inch stilettos, shiny patent leather, one in hot pink and one in white.  Super expensive ordinarily ($60-80 I think it was), but I got it on clearance combined with coupons, for a whopping $17 each, from JC Penney. Hells yeah.

Emotions are colored...Oblivious needs a Color, too.

I don't know what's going on.  It doesn't feel right between us.  Something is off but i don't know what.  I wish I could figure things out. Maybe we are just tired.  I ask probing or informative questions and get weird pieces of information that I'm probably taking the wrong way.  But then again, he really hasn't been affectionate tonight.  Maybe he's just not thinking about it, not realizing he didn't do it, even.  He's so oblivious to everything, and easily distracted.  

  Maybe it'll take more reflecting. 

Stray Thoughts

I'm sitting here trying to figure out why it is, after it's been almost 2 years since all that stuff happened between Chance and  I, that I'm still feeling the need to do something, anything, to get or retain his attention, which isn't even wandering in the first place. I keep thinking j should dye my hair red, because he likes red, or blonde, because I like blonde, lol. I think maybe a nose piercing at times, mostly because I miss my old one.  I don't know anymore. I know it's pointless and unnecessary but still...

When he works late, I still find myself worrying that he's really doing something else. Whether it be chatting on the phone to her, though I know they haven't spoken in years, or banging someone else and I'm just stupid and oblivious. Of course if he is with someone else, I don't know how they communicate, because I can see in the phone records, calls and texts, and there's no unknown numbers come up. I guess it could be a woman he works with and they only communicate at work. Unless he goes back to her house I also can't figure out where they'd be banging. Oh I guess she could own a truck. 

And I still can't watch 'Bridge to Terabithia' without crying, completely unrelated to my current emotions. Beautiful story.

Stupid People Suck.

I wish there weren't so many stupid people. This woman decided her husband and kids couldn't be friends with my family because she disagreed with my husband over an interpretation of a Bible verse. Now my daughter is heartbroken and crying constantly because she wants to see their little girl and have play dates again. 

I mean, we spent a LOT of money to help this couple out. They are a lot worse off financially than we are, and we went out of our way to help them when their car broke down (literally 10 different times), my husband even drove the 30 minute trip to their house to help them get to work at times when their car wasn't working, even when he had to be at work around the same time too. We helped them move, and who knows what else. We never had any problems with them ever before, and then she asks a question on facebook about a scripture and he and I both give our opinions (which were almost exactly the same), and then she starts calling my husband really awful things and then blocks us. Like out of nowhere. 

She was looking for a bible verse to convict her husband's coworker that he can't force his wife to have sex with him if she doesn't want to even though the bible says she has to obey him. The scripture in question can be interpreted so many different ways depending on the person reading it, which we told her, and then she freaked out. She called my husband a sexist pig, and I don't even remember what else. 

She's aggressive to her husband, she's rude to everyone (like, we were at their house playing Mario Party, and she was calling me awful shit like slut and whore, even though she said it was Princess Peach she was calling the foul names, because I was playing Peach.). 

Chance and I aren't like that to each other, he would never put me down in front of anyone, much less behind closed doors. He's as far from sexist as you can get. He would never be like that to anyone, especially not his wife. 

She's just an awful person, and I think it comes from being, literally, 'poor white trash.' I grew up poor, but I HAVE NEVER been white trash. I firmly believe you canNOT let your circumstances define who you are, you need to rise above that. I really hate people who let that shit define them. 

Now she's so busy being obsessively control-freak with her family that she's ruining two little girls' happiness. I really hate such selfish adults.