More Disappointment....

My Mother...Where do I even begin??

She's an almost constant disappointment now...I begged her for months, was constantly calling and asking her...She blamed the girls....Said it was them that didn't wanna go dress shopping...But no, it was her...Why do I even bother with her? She was gonna get the cake made...That's not happening...Susan is making it (God bless her, she's wonderful). Robin has helped with flowers and pretty much everything else. What has Mom done?

She bought 1 black dress...

How do I even begin to explain how wrong that is to me? You shouldn't wear black to a wedding if you're part of the wedding party, unless it's a gothic theme or something. I mean, my colors are pretty, Hot Pink, Chocolate, touches of Ivory (but not many...). Its the same reason you don't wear white unless you're the bride, I mean really??

Thank God I have friends, reliable friends, that are going to help me. They're digging through their closets and finding something, anything, to match my colors and fill-in for my bridesmaids...It might not be a satisfactory wedding, but it'll at least match...

My mother has to be the biggest disappointment in my life...

Not my lack of money, or even my own home. These things should be my biggest disappointments, but no....Its her. IT'S ALWAYS HER.

If its not about her, she either ruins it or makes it about her! I don't understand her...She breaks my heart, and i'm not even sure she cares...What she does to me hurts me so bad. I really feel like she does this on purpose....I just don't know anymore...I don't know what to do about her, what to do about all this...

And, the longer I dwell on this...The more I think maybe it just isn't supposed to happen...Maybe we're not supposed to be married...Maybe its not God's plan...I don't know anymore...i don't know what He wants from me, what I'm supposed to do...Everything is against this wedding...I just don't know anymore...

So later:

Later, Mom calls me to inform me she bought a pair of $120 Shape-Ups, and they're so comfortable I should buy me some (yeah with the money I pull out of my ass, right?). Then she tells me about buying the kids some new clothes and other stuff like that, basically how she spent a bunch of money. In the same conversation she says she doesn't have the money right now to buy dresses for the wedding (yeah cuz she just spent it...). What is she thinking? I mean, really?

And if it wasn't bad enough, she bought pretty much everything at the Blizzard World of Warcraft pet store (Link: http://us.blizzard.com/store/browse.xml?f=c:5,c:33 yeah, its epic). I think that there's something that goes on in her head that normal people can't understand.

I await the day she demands I invite her BOYFRIEND to my wedding...I feel it's coming...I also kinda feel like she might not even ask him and just have him come...And if he does....OH BOY will there be a scene....There will be a shit-fit from Hell. I'll call him and her both out on all her shit and make them both leave, even if I have to call the cops to do it...Sorry, Daddy, this will be the one time I WON'T listen to you...I won't forgive her for that...I'd probably be borderline never speaking to her again...

Man...Why couldn't Robin be my Mom???