Unfaithfulness Kills Marriages

I, better than most, understand that things happen. So I can see the warning signs when something is going to happen. So why was it such a hard hit int the face when I discovered my husband's unfaithfulness (something which I warned and dreaded would happen if he continued on the way he had been)? It felt as if my whole world was crumbling in on itself, collapsing with me trapped underneath. But I stuck with him, I persevered, and we seem to have made it over this little bump in the road gracefully enough. I have maintained my cool, I haven't had too many breakdowns (mostly just crying...so many hours of tears. I understand the phrase 'cried a river' because I did.), and I've continued to be a good wife. 

I admit I might not have been faithful as his girlfriend but as his wife I have been. I was bad, I strayed from our monogamy, but I was back on the right path rather quickly. The guilt from my betrayal will forever haunt me, and will always keep me in line. In my efforts to maintain our marriage, I might have pushed my hurt feelings down and out of the way, so he didn't see the pain he caused me with his affair. That's what it was. It wasn't a one night stand. It continued for who knows how long, to the point of 'I love yous' being exchanged. It breaks my heart, even now, just typing this. But through it all, through every ounce of pain, I maintained my love for him, my desire to make our marriage work, both for the sake of the children, and ourselves. I let him keep it a secret from all our family, and to continue looking like a good and faithful man. Truthfully, after the way he threw me through the ringer and hung me out to dry, I'm lucky his family even acknowledges my existence. 

I made a tasteless joke tonight, which I didn't realize was so until AFTER I had offended him, and he's angry and not speaking to me now. What gives him that right? I admit the joke was made in poor judgement and I apologized. But what gives him the right to act the way he is? I'm still hurt, I'm still grieving for a marriage that died months ago. What we have now, it's not the same marriage. It's tainted, damaged, and I'm learning to deal with that. But what gives him the right to storm off angry and hurt? I'm still here, despite my better judgement. I never left, never even 'cut him off', so to speak. We are married, and with that gives him certain rights, and who am I to deny him a basic urge? Even when I couldn't stand to look at him, and didn't want him to touch me, I still gave him what he wanted. He has no right to be angry with me over a stupid little joke.